Life is complicated, for me anyway. I was born to older parents, my father was 54 when I was born, my mother 42. I grew up Ohio, and was raised Catholic. My father worked long hours, and didn't seem to be home a lot. I have 3 older sisters and no brothers. Being around so much estrogen may have affected my psyche. When I was very young, I prayed to become a girl. I felt that I should have been born a girl, and to some extent I still do.
I remember my mom catching me in the basement putting on panties in the laundry room before I was even old enough to be in school.As i grew older I would take my sisters' clothing, and hide it in a box under my bed. My mom found the box one day when I was in school, and asked me about it. I was too embarrassed to tell her the truth, and made up some lie.I did develop an interest in girls when my testosterone started raging, but was to shy to talk to them. I was that weird kid in school who never had a girlfriend, and very few guy friends. I learned to entertain myself with my imagination. I never had a sexual interest in other guys until later in life.
After we had moved to Arkansas, I finished school, joined the Army, and eventually got a good job, and my own place. Things really started changing then. I realized that I could buy the women's clothing I desired through mail order catalogs. (No internet at the time.) Well, I really went for it, amassing quite a collection of matching lingerie, skirts, dresses, hosiery, shoes, etc. I spent a lot of my time off dressing, and fantasizing. I called phone sex numbers, and told the girls I spoke with that I liked to dress as a woman. These fine ladies really earned their money with me, walking me through all kinds of fantasies, eventually bringing up me being with another man when I was dressed. That idea really resonated with me. I started going to the local park at night all dressed up. I would stay in my truck, and wait to be approached. This tactic worked out several times, as I would meet gay men, and take them home. They were somewhat surprised to see me in women's clothing complete with silicone falsies, but they just wanted to suck me, which is what I wanted too. We would kiss passionately, drink beer, smoke, and talk. I was fully aroused the whole time, and they would feel my hard cock through my panties, and dress. I have a pretty nice penis, and they always wanted to suck on it. Afterwards, the Catholic guilt would overwhelm me. I always felt guilty, bad, and ashamed of myself, until the next time. One of the next times, I got arrested for DWI, and taken to jail.....dressed as a woman. At least that time I was wearing blue jeans, and not a dress. I felt I had to stop this "freaky" behavior.
Then, after several years of doing this on Friday night, dating a girl on Saturday night, almost getting married, I finally did marry at the age of 50. I thought this was my way out of dressing. I burned my beautiful collection of lingerie, etc. What was I thinking? I wish I had it all back, but I'm too scared to let my wife know. You can take the boy out of cross-dressing, but you can't take the cross-dressing out of the boy.
I still like to fantasize, I like to come to this website, but sometimes I still feel the guilt. I'm a real mess.
I am Owned by Kitty to do with as she pleases, and Tiffany is my sister.